Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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