am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
