The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
