If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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