My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
