onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i believe in u and ur pee
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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