sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
