I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
