Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
