i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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