Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
