batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
His hands were made for my vagina.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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