2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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