I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
