the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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