Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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