You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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