What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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