Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
