omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
