do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
