It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Randomize
