put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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