If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
