You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
