Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
