Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
