He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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