Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
