dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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