after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
