Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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