sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
