I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
