you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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