Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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