Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
