my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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