Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
