I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize