your parents love me but you hate me
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The beer is more important than you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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