I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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