Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
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