Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You are a genius and a whore.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
