....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
