I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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