Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
