I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize