Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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