I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
