When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
