She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
