he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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