then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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