who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
