i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
