So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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