Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
