They have a pepper shaker for pot.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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