So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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