tell your sister to shave her snatch
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
