If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
We need to rekindle our bromance
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
