The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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