How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
