I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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