he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
