I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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