just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Randomize
