I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
