she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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