Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
