There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
