im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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