so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
