I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
