which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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