u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
