I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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