i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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