woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
is it fun? or sober?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
