I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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