He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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