Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
