wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
