Whats the glycemic index on semen?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.