haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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