Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.