I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
smell my finger.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.