I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
