You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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