Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
